Illegitimi non carborundum
I am sorry to leave you hanging for so long, Gentle Reader, but I find myself once again struggling with depression. Now, I don't want you to worry. This is not the kind of suicidal depression that needs an intervention. It's not a medical depression that is caused organically. It's just a things just effin suck kind of depression.
Most of the suck is financial, of course. That's just the way it goes these days. Then, my effin car blew the engine (two months after the final payment, I might add), so it's a big pile of metal crap right now. And, everything in this shithole house keeps breaking. (The damn mailbox fell off the post, even. WTF? How does that even happen?)
It's all a shit sundae with shit sauce and shit sprinkles these days. And to put a shit cherry on top, my poor GenGen passed away. Now, I know she was an old doggy. A lot older than the average life expectancy for a dog her size. And I know her health was failing. She was blind and deaf and arthritic. But I still miss her and it still hurts me that she died.
Last week, I was looking for something in the bedroom and I found the Halloween costume I had bought her. A cowgirl vest. She loved Halloween. She loved the kids coming to the door and being all excited. I bought her the vest so she could join in. But she died before Halloween. So when I found this vest I just freakin' lost it.
I think I might have worried T a little with that outburst.
Anyway. I have managed to put on an upbeat facade when I go to work. And I have tried to "fake it til I make it" positive attitude. That form of denial tends to work best for me. Don't worry. I'm going to try and get back to posting regularly. That should help.